Neither music, nor life, should be a lonely journey.

And if it is, the journey can change. 

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Fee's Homesong Blog

Up There 

A fly landed on my knee while I was meditating with eyes closed.
The slight sensation of a tiny leg touching my skin. I know it’s a fly!

There are lots of other sensations happening at the same time. The sound and the feel of the wind. Distant voices. The weight and feel of my body on the bench. The automatic instinct to swat the fly away. The thought to try and not swat the fly away. Like a challenge, y’know? A car passing by. The sound of a bike passing very close by. More flies arriving on my knee (“hey, guys, this fella isn’t defending himself against imminent disease and painful death by Fly Power. Sucker!” shouts an imaginary voice in my head).

It’s all going on out there. And when I say “out there” I mean…well somewhere “up” there. Y’know, in my skull. It’s hard to place where any of this is happening really though. It appears to be happening “out” there. But it’s not really, is it?

It is actually all happening Up There.

But, then again, even the sensation of “up there” is…well …. “up there”.

So is that where “up there” is? Is it better not to think about any of this at all? Should we call the psychiatric ward yet? Is anybody still reading?

There are a million things to be distracted by, even before we switch on The Internet and get battered by “World News Events” or by an urge to eat a pancake.

Does anything really change? If it’s only happening “up there”?

As usual. I’m just asking. I find this all very interesting.

Don’t let me distract you from anything important though … :)

Discover Fee Trying To Work Out What To Ask

I know What You Were Thinking 

You’re wondering whether I actually Paddled Boarded aren’t you?

I know what goes through your mind when I mention that I was going to do something, and then don’t return to the subject in the very next blog. Or the one after that at the latest.

Well, I’m sorry to keep you on tenterhooks. But yes, I did paddle board. Not just once. I’ve paddle boarded twice since I mentioned the subject all of four days ago. (Please show a little more patience next time!).

I paddle boarded across the lake. Along the side of the lake. Down the middle of the lake. Round the odd island or two. (Little islands, not huge ones though. I don’t want to boast too much).

And though I was occasionally wobbly, I never fell off once. Even when the speed boats went past, doing their utmost to disturb my equilibrium. Even when I was in the path of the howling wind (slight breeze) that swept down the length of Brielse Meer (as the lake in question is called).

So, no. I didn’t not mention the paddle boarding because I fell off and was embarrassed to tell you.

Oh yes. I Know What You Were Thinking.

Discover Fee Using Other Forms Of Water Vehicle

Orange Friends 

I had great fun yesterday watching the Semi-Final of the European Football Championships (ft. The Netherland v. England) in the Netherlands with my Orange wife and our Orange Friends.

I’m a big football fan. But to be honest, in international football, and for international sport in general, the most pleasure is to be had in the friendly rivalry to be found across borders and differences. Regardless of results, which are never guaranteed.

This is not a posture that English fans in particular are renowned for. And that is usually something which any half decent England supporter often feels the need to apologise for.

But, hey, perhaps, in the generous, kinder world we might be hoping to live in it might be better not to generalise too much about any single individual. Let alone a whole nation or race of people.

Whether that be in a good or a bad way.

Personally I’d like to relate to everybody according to what I see right in front of me, not according to the story that I’m supposed to believe about them, regardless of their past history or record.

And by that, I mean….Everybody. Every last one of us is who we are today because of various combinations of luck and happenstance. Either in a positive or negative way. And every last one of us has the potential today for good and evil.

Discover Fee Being Everybody’s Favourite Alien

The Appearance Of Conflict 

When I face The Appearance Of Conflict
My heartbeat starts to race
Yes, I have a tendency
To over react.
Like a dark star exploding in space

Sometime the conflict seems real
Often I just make it up.
Whichever story is true
I quickly lash out
And end up with egg on my face.

Of course reactions don’t appear without reason
They stem from a conflictual past
But there’s really no reason
When push comes to shove
The tension should not need to last.

If I sit and look at those feelings
They quickly disappear
Yes when I slow down
And embrace the truth
There really is nothing to fear.

Including the fear.

I know, it’s not great poetry. But it served its purpose. Thanks for enduring. :)

Discover Fee Getting Fixed Up

Do It Everyday 

The big advantage of doing something everyday is that the fear tends to vanish. Even if that thing is easier to do sometimes more than others.

Today I’ve been putting off doing something I really want to do. But, mainly because I only do it once or twice a year, I’m a little bit nervous. That thing being going out on my paddle board on the big lake a short walk away here in the Netherlands.

I’ll really enjoy it when I’m out there on the lake. And when I’ve got my sense of balance back. It takes a while, precisely because I’m only doing it occasionally.

And now, there is no more putting it off. Soon I’m going to bite that bullet.

But, partly for the reasons stated, I wish I could Do It Everyday.

Discover Something Fee Tries To Say Everyday

Showing Up 

Sometimes it flows. Sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes it freezes over.

I’m in a wee period of struggling to get myself to the keyboard.

Is that the time to shut up perhaps?

I don’t think so. I mean no one pays me for doing this. But I imagine this writing as though I’m booked in for a life time of shows in Vegas. Like Elvis.

The audience doesn’t care how I feel. Or if I’ve eaten one too many doughnuts. Or if my voice is a bit dodgy today. They paid for a show and they are expecting a show.

In my case, I’m the audience demanding the show. I paid for the ticket, and I expect me to show up.

So I’m Showing Up.

Discover Fee Going Out In The Rain Anyway

Be Inspired 

Is there anything behind the curtain? Or under the hat? Or up the sleeve?

I dunno. Let’s see.


Look. I’ve just magicked up a little something. Like every little something that I’ve magicked up before, it came out of nowhere.

Be Inspired. Honestly, it wasn’t that difficult.

Discover Fee Taking His Hat Off

The Middle Finger 

The middle finger on my right hand has morphed into a weird bent shape over the years. It doesn’t hurt.

The only thing I can put this minor deformation down to is the amount of time, during those years, that I have been bashing that right hand hard on the guitar strings while playing a tune. The Middle Finger always takes most of the hit.

Guitar-wise I describe myself as a chord basher. It’s self deprecatory. I’m probably a little more nuanced than that in reality, though not by much. But I always wince a little when I’m described as a musician. I do feel a bit of a fraud.

It’s true that I love songwriting and I’ve come to like performing. But, I’m sometimes still tempted to use a quote of “Bob Dylan” as spoken by his puppet on the satirical British comedy Spitting Image, whenever I pick up the old geetar to play to an audience.

”I’ve suffered for my art….now it’s your turn!”

Discover Fee Embracing The Chord Bashing

The Voice Of Doubt 

The Voice Of Doubt that’s saying (in a high pitched, squeaky, whiny screech…you may be familiar with the sound):

“Why are you doing this, when you could be doing that?”


”Why did you do that, when you could have done the other?”


”Why are you like you, when you could have been like them?”

You probably know the smell of that little doubty gnomic brain fart, with the annoying manner, who we tend to pay far too much attention to.

He may well be the voice of doubt.

But he too can be doubted.

And that’s a useful double-negative psychic jui jitsu move you can try at home sometimes. You’re welcome.

Discover Fee Facing Other Temptations

Ready Or Not 

Creativity is constant. Our creativity is constant.

We don’t ever really “close” our eyes or “empty” our minds. The light and the thoughts never stop even when we try to put them on hold.

So we don’t need to wait for the Muse to bless us with some new revelation.

We simply acknowledge the river that we’re swimming in.

The Muse has already found us.

Ready Or Not.

nb. Mostly not ready, it has to be said.

Discover Fee Coming Fourth Of July